I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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