yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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