He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
