apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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