i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
