Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
