i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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