I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
