Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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