I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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