Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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