so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
