im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
