Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
