OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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