You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
