whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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