also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
