I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
