My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
