From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
