i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
