i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Found the puke drawer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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