dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
