Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
