I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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