I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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