love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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