He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
