Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
