Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
