He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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