Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
