I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
