why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
