i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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