She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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