He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
