Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize