I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
