So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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