He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
