i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
