Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
