The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
