And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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