What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
