Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
