Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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