i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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