who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
