dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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