Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found the puke drawer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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