It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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