guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
