she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
