Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize