Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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