Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
