Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize