I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have feelings that need drinking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
