Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
