We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
