apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
