We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
