watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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