shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
