I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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