This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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