Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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