Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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