can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize