did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
